Why Am I Doing This? Funny you should ask...

It certainly seems like the question of the summer: Why are you doing Teach for America? Last year when I was busy on SLU's campus recruiting my fellow students and friends to what I believed was the noblest of causes, I had a very good answer to that question. I would rattle off statistics that would shock people "Because only 1 in 10 children from low income households will ever graduate from college" or "Because about 50% of kids from low income households won't even graduate from high school." I would state with conviction that I believed I had the power to make the difference. I was doing Teach For America because it was I wanted to, it was what I felt I SHOULD be doing.

But when I was asked this question this week (either by fellow Corps Members, people around Houston, or just by myself) I found myself faltering for an answer. You see, this week marked my first 5 days as an official, teacher and my second week of the infamous Institute that one may as well call Teacher Boot Camp. We wake up at 5:30 every morning, board busses by 6:40, spend the next 9-10 hours on our school sites teaching and learning, come home and begin a night of lesson planning, and hopefully make it to bed by 1:30 in order to get that much needed four hours of sleep. If you know me, you know I am NOT a morning person. I believe Lucy, Annie, and Nicole used to have a name for me sophomore year--the cranky, crazy, crabby Cuban, was it??--that referred to the "Lauryn" I was when I didn't get enough sleep or had to wake up earlier than 8 am. Suffice it to say, this whole no sleep thing has definitely affected my conviction in my crusade against Educational Inequity. Basically, when I thought about why I was doing Teach For America this week, the question became something more accusatory...like, why in the heck WAS I doing this program?? To put it into perspective, this first week (I'm teaching bilingual pre-k...which will put a lot of the following into context)...I completely failed at teaching kids their shapes (HOW DO YOU FAIL AT THAT?!), spent an entire hour teaching kids how to properly sit in a circle, had a kid ask me if I was the black princess from The Frog Prince (Ok, so maybe I didn't hate that one too much), and the icing on the cake...had a child poop her pants. Yep, this is my summer. On Thursday night, I found myself in tears, thinking, I can't do this, I'm ready to go home. I couldn't remember why I was doing TFA, all I knew for certain was that I was over-tired and underwhelmed with what my first week had to offer. I had seen more than one person quit this week, I was starting to think maybe they had the right idea. After all, the Coronado pool and 4th of July in Chicago didn't sound too shabby...

Then, on Friday afternoon, my summer school director played us a powerpoint that detailed the impact of our 2 years. In the next 2 years, I myself will directly affect 200 kids. That means that in Houston, where we have nearly 300 incoming corps members for 2010, Teach For America has the potentially to radically change the life trajectory of (let me whip out my calculator, I am only a pre-k teacher after all :) ) 60,000 kids. I don't know if that gives you chills, but it certainly gave me some. And then the powerpoint proceeded to tell us that across the nation there are 4510 people joining the TFA cause this year, meaning we can touch the lives of nearly 900,000 students in the next year. I mean with numbers like that the impact is inevitably HUGE. In 31 cities and Washington D.C., TFA will be going into classrooms working tirelessly (and tiredly) to make the mission of "One Day, All Children" a reality. Seeing those numbers, I started to think, Gosh, we're really doing something here. And I remembered in that moment, why I am doing Teach for America. Because, ok, let's face it, the numbers are idealistic. Chances are I won't reach all 200 children who cross the threshold into Maestra Cruz's in the next 2 years. But I know I can and will reach one. And those other 199 will certainly provide me with some good stories...and hopefully not so many more bathroom accidents.

So Why am I doing this? Its because it's what I want to be doing, and it is what I should be doing. I think back to the kids I met at the immersion school, my Marlena who used to tell me, "Teach, school is BOOTY!" or Caleb who cried when we were working with making change because he said he couldn't stop thinking about how his mom and dad didn't have any money or Brian, who was more interested in rapping the latest Lil Wayne than learning his alphabet, and I do this for them. I think about Joaquin, a 5 year old in my class this summer, who--though he still can't recognize all of his shapes--ran up to me after school one day this and told me with his infectious smile, that his name starts with a "J," and I remind myself that I am doing this for him.

Tomorrow morning will mark day 6 as a teacher for me. And when that alarm clock goes off at 5:30 in the morning, I won't be happy, but I'll be ready. As someone told me this week, "Your ONE DAY, ALL CHILDREN mission starts now. It's beautiful thing." And indeed it is.